Mental Health Update
This week was overwhelming…..between having to owe on federal taxes, attorney fees, concern for my boob rotting off it just became a lot for one week. But this is the normal stuff that we should be able to handle. That’s not abnormal right?
Most of you know about 3-4 weeks ago I began the zoloft wean. I knew it would take some time to feel comfortable with this. I was on zoloft for over a year and If I am being honest….it saved my life. It saved me from intrusive thoughts, dangerous thoughts and a lot of sad days. The slow weight gain and inability to drop any weight became too much for me and carrying extra weight creates a little more stress too. I know that sounds bad but it is true for me. Why can’t we just be healthy/fit/skinny and mentally stable? why do we have to choose between mental stability and being fluffy?
I felt I was at a point I could manage and today I have went 8 days without any zoloft and I am honestly feeling ok about it. The anxiety is much more than I have experienced in a long time. But I am feeling it again but I am learning how to manage and think through these panic thoughts and luckily the intrusive thinking has been minimal.
I am back to crying at random times over random things but I knew that this would be a part of it. Honestly, I am just hoping to figure out what is going with my physical health because everything keeps reoccurring. I have had countless labs drawn and EVERYTHING is coming back normal. I am suppose to see rheumatology in November. Dermatology has signed off on me. I am starting to just get down that this has been occurring since I told my ex I wanted to separate. I honestly feel that this is just stress but why now? Why do I continue to react to stress in this way. My symptoms are worsening and appearing more frequently. It takes about 2 weeks for it to completely resolve. There are no answers and that is why I am most frustrated. If it only happened once or twice it would be different. But this is ongoing for over a year and becoming more frequent.
So there ya have it! A full mental/physical health update for you. I am ready to get back in the gym as soon as possible. Just waiting for clearance from my surgeon. Hope you all are having a fabulous FRIYAY!.
-Jessica
