Hey what's up? Hello!

Well I just realized I haven’t written anything since September. Well ok let me start with I have written a lot since September but maybe nothing I am ready to release to the world yet. So here I am just checking in with you all. I had this huge/grand idea that I was fully ready to wean off of my zoloft. I was fine. Everything was fine. I was good, not crying, just fine. I was having night sweats that were waking me up nightly and I was over it. So I thought why the heck not? I am ok. I will be fine without it. So there it went. I would just start taking half the dose. That was fine. I managed. I started crying a little bit more often but maybe it is good to have some emotions and not be completely numb to everything going on around you. So there I was on half my dose for a few weeks. The night sweats had stopped. I was tearful but no completely emotionally unstable. I would be ok without. I just knew it would be ok. WRONG!!!!!

I started feeling like if I got in a car wreck that was minor it would be fine. Like then I wouldn’t have to deal with the emotions and feelings and the anxiety and the panic and my heart hurting daily. I will get in a minor car accident and have to be admitted for a few days just because. like that is not normal, that is not healthy that is not OK!

When these thoughts started creeping back in I decided it was time to actually take the full dose of my zoloft. It was needed. I was not fine. Things were not fine. Crying yourself to sleep is not normal. I will be the first person to say it’s ok to not be ok. But blatantly ignoring something that has helped you previously is NOT OK!

So here I am back on my zoloft. Surviving, thriving and booking vacations not thinking about a hospital admission to avoid my feelings.